


After Thoughts

by beeftony



Series: The Insomnia Series [1]
Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-29
Updated: 2013-03-29
Packaged: 2017-12-06 20:25:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,686
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/739798
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beeftony/pseuds/beeftony
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Katara always acted with her heart, never pausing to think about things. But what happens when there's nothing else to do?</p>
            </blockquote>





	After Thoughts

Katara tiptoed into the room, like she had for the last two weeks. It wasn't necessary, as the others had been more than happy to point out. But even after doing this every day for fourteen straight days, she still felt as though she didn't belong here. None of them did.

The world's last hope lay comatose in the bed, as he had when she set him there. She shouldn't have expected him to wake up when the door creaked open—he never did. But she never allowed herself to give in fully to that doubt. It was like counting on the Sun _not_ to rise. It would be letting go of hope. And hope was all they had left.

She sighed. Look where hope had gotten them. They were broken, defeated and on the run, barely having escaped with their lives. Their enemies did not rely on hope. They plotted and persisted, learning from their mistakes and trying harder every time, until finally they had succeeded. And they had succeeded _thoroughly_.

But, she considered, at least they were alive. _He_ was alive. And most importantly, their enemy did not know that. When Sokka had pointed that out to her, it had been enough to keep her hope alive.

But it would all be for nothing if he didn't wake up.

"Hello, Aang," she said to the Avatar's sleeping form, hoping he would answer her even though she knew he wouldn't. "I'm just going to change your bandages like usual." Taking his stillness as an answer, she shut the door behind her and moved further into the room. In addition to the bandages, she also carried a bucket of water and a bowl of soup on a tray. She set the former on the floor, placing the latter on the nightstand for later use.

Setting the new bandages at the foot of the bed, she pulled the covers off of him. His body shivered naturally from the loss of warmth, like it did every time. She knew by now that it wasn't a sign of him waking up. She bent over, threading her arm under his and helping his limp body to sit up. It took her a couple of moments to steady him, but she finally got his body to stay in that position.

"Now just stay right there," she told him, then walked back over to where she had set the bandages. As soon as she picked them up, he collapsed back into his original position.

Katara swore wordlessly, dropping the bandages and rushing over to stop him from falling, but she didn't get there in time. A couple of moments after he landed, Aang coughed.

Her heart jumped.

"Aang?" She was at his side in an instant, grabbing him by the arms and staring into his closed eyes, expecting them to open any minute, like they had the last time he had coughed. But they stayed shut.

She sighed. Hope kept letting her down recently. For a single, dark moment, Katara considered abandoning it completely.

' _No,_ ' she told herself, glaring at the Fire Nation banner that decorated the wall. If she allowed herself to let go of hope, to stop caring about anything and everything, then she would be just like that creepy emotionless girl who was always helping Azula. No, worse than that. She would be like Zuko.

Katara did not know how much the boy who used to chase them all over the world had actually changed in the last few months, but she was convinced that it was nothing substantial. All he cared about was himself and destroying everything that got in the way of his "destiny." How he could continue to harbor such delusions after seeing what they had done to Zhao was beyond her. But she knew that her trust in him had clearly been misplaced. He hadn't changed. He had just gotten better at manipulating her.

She shook her head. Getting lost in her thoughts was not what she had come here to do. "Alright, let's try this again," she said, lifting him up like before. It was strange how much resistance could be put up by his weight alone, when he wasn't capable of assisting her consciously. She got him to sit up again, however, and tried reaching for the bandages without letting go of him this time.

"Need some help?"

Katara started and almost let go of him, but recovered her grip at the last second. She looked behind her to see that Toph had opened the door without her noticing. "Um, yeah," she breathed, ordering her heart to calm down and being disobeyed. "Could you grab those bandages over there?"

Toph nodded and walked over to the bed, shutting the door behind her without touching it. Before she handed them over, she asked: "Shouldn't you take off his old bandages _before_ you put the new ones on?"

She blinked. Had she really forgotten that? "Right," she responded after a second. "Help me hold him upright."

Toph moved to the other side of the bed and gripped Aang's shoulder. "Got it."

"Thanks." Katara undid one end of the bandages around his chest, lifting it up over his neck where it had been secured, then unwrapped the rest of it layer by layer. Eventually, she peeled the last of the bandages from him, then discarded them on the floor. She examined the puckered red flesh on his back where the lightning had forced its way in and winced.

"Is it bad?"

"You're lucky you can't see," she answered, unable to look at it herself. "Just hold him upright while I wash him."

Toph complied, gripping him tightly while Katara bent water from the nearby bucket and formed it into a ball between her hands. She moved it forward so that it enveloped the young Avatar's body, wiping him clean where the bandages had been. After a few moments of this, she moved most of the water back into the bucket, saving a small amount for her next task. She hovered her hands over the wound, and the water glowed. She left them there for a few moments, then removed them to examine her work.

It didn't look any better.

Sighing, she returned the rest of the water to the bucket. Grabbing the new bandages, she applied them even more slowly and carefully than she had removed them. As soon as she finished, she pinned them in place and then moved on to the next set.

It got progressively easier from there. Aang had bandages on his upper left arm, right forearm, right knee and left shin. There was also a pad covering his right shoulder which she washed with the water in the bucket before replacing.

"Open his mouth," she said as soon as all the bandages were changed. Toph did as requested, and she bent the soup into his mouth, careful not to guide it down the wrong pipe and into his lungs as she had the first time she had attempted this. Once she was certain that the liquid was in his stomach, Katara relaxed her control.

"There," she said, dusting her hands off. "All done."

"Can I set him down now?"

"Of course," she answered, crouching down and gathering up all the old bandages. She placed them in the bucket to soak. "Just be gentle."

Toph chuckled, letting Aang's body down slowly. As soon as his head hit the pillow, she let go and pulled the covers over him. "Rest up, Twinkletoes."

"I don't think rest is what he needs," Katara ribbed with a good-natured smirk on her face. "He's been asleep for two weeks now."

"He's been in a _coma_ for two weeks," corrected Toph. "It's only sleeping if you're awake at least some of the time."

"It doesn't make any difference at this point," she said, running a hand over Aang's new hair. "I just hope he wakes up before he atrophies completely." She closed her eyes and a single tear forced its way out. "I don't like seeing him waste away like this."

At some point, without her noticing, Toph had made her way to Katara's side of the bed, and now stood to her left. She grabbed her hand and lifted it off of the Avatar's head, squeezing hard. "You're doing everything you can. People don't just magically wake up after being struck by lightning."

"But he did," she said softly, letting the rest of her tears fall, because she knew Toph couldn't see them. "He woke up and looked me in the eye and I knew everything was going to be okay." She lowered her head. "But he hasn't woken up since."

"Look," Toph replied, trying very hard not to betray how uncomfortable she was and failing. "I know I'm not exactly the person everybody goes to when they need to talk about something. But you've hardly said a word to anyone but Sleepy here ever since we left Ba Sing Se. What's bothering you?"

Even though it didn't matter, Katara made the effort to look the other girl in the eyes. She felt more comfortable talking to her that way. "I'm just not sure how much more of this I can take."

Toph let go. "What do you mean?"

"These past few weeks have been so intense," she said, lifting up the bucket and the tray. She started heading for the door, which Toph opened for her without her needing to ask. As they went out into the hall, Katara continued. "We wasted a month in Ba Sing Se looking for Appa, and we had to dodge the Dai Li the whole time. After what happened at Lake Laogai, I thought it was finally over." Toph shut the door behind them and she closed her eyes. "But it wasn't. It was just beginning."

"Uh, Sweetness? I was there."

Katara laughed. "I know that, Toph. But I just feel like I need to get it all out there so I don't think I'm crazy."

"Oh." They walked for a few more yards, toward the galley. "Well, I'm listening. Go ahead."

"Thanks." She smiled briefly, then felt it drop. "This whole thing is my fault."

"How?"

She looked down. "I was on my way to get the Earth King's stamp on the Five Generals' orders, and I decided to stop for tea. That's when I saw Zuko and his uncle."

"Doing what?" They reached the galley. Toph pushed open the door and they both walked through.

Katara set down the tray in the sink, then dumped the water from the bucket into it and answered: "Serving tea."

"That's _it_?" Toph sounded like she was having a hard time believing that.

She sighed. "You weren't around when Zuko used to chase us all over the world. The first time I saw him he kicked Sokka in the face and threatened my Gran-Gran. And then he captured Aang." She set the bucket on the floor and then they both headed out into the hallway again. "Over the next few months he basically tracked us wherever we went. He tried to burn down Suki's village, he stole my necklace, and he even tied me to a tree once." Katara was suddenly grateful that Toph could not see her blush.

"He _tied_ you to a _tree_?" Toph repeated.

"Yep." They turned left at the end of the hall and started climbing a staircase that led one of the balconies on the command tower. "And the whole time he claimed he was doing it so he could 'restore his honor,' whatever that means. He never saw what he was doing as wrong. And then there's what happened at the North Pole."

"What?"

"There was a massive invasion that took place once the Fire Nation figured out that the North Pole was where we were going. Zuko stowed away on one of the ships and snuck in at night. Aang was going into the Spirit World to try and find the Moon and Ocean Spirits so that they could give him the wisdom to win the battle." They reached the top of the staircase and walked down the hall toward the door at the end. "Unfortunately, that left his body vulnerable. I thought I would be able to protect him by myself."

"And you weren't?"

"It went okay at first," she answered. "As long as the moon was out, I was stronger than him. I used a few of the techniques I'd learned on him and I thought I had him beat." She looked down. "But as soon as the sun came up, he took me by surprise and knocked me out. When I woke up, Aang was gone." They reached the door at the end of the hallway and Katara opened it, feeling the warm ocean breeze flow over her face. Everybody else was either on the main deck below, or in their rooms. They had the balcony to themselves.

"So what happened after that?"

"We looked for them on the tundra and eventually we found them. Aang had gotten back to his body and he almost escaped. Zuko and I had a rematch and I knocked _him_ unconscious."

Toph snickered. "I'll bet it wasn't much of a match."

"That's what I said," she replied with a smirk. They turned right, heading for the railing. "The weirdest thing happened, though. Aang wanted to bring Zuko back with us, in spite of everything he'd done. I was ready to just leave him there to die."

"You hated him that much?"

Katara blinked. She had not been expecting that question. "I guess I did," she answered, feeling more than a little guilty for reasons she could not fathom. She still hated Zuko, right? After what he did to her, no amount of pain and suffering she could inflict on him would ever be enough. She sighed, not wanting to think about that right now. "Aang was right, though: whatever he did to us, we wouldn't be the heroes if we just let him die in a blizzard."

"So you still hated him when you saw him in Ba Sing Se?" Toph asked, reminding her of what had started this whole tangent.

"It wasn't that," she said, leaning over the railing and letting the mist from the waves dampen her face. "I just figured that whatever he was doing there, it couldn't be good." She closed her eyes. "But he wasn't the problem."

"Azula was."

Katara nodded. "Right. I went to warn the Earth King, but she and her two friends took me by surprise and threw me in the Crystal Caverns."

"So, what makes you think this was your fault?"

"I talked to Sokka after everything finally calmed down," she answered, lowering her head. "He said Aang came back from his training early because he thought I was in danger. I put everything in jeopardy because I couldn't get over how much Zuko had hurt us all in the past." She realized with some surprise that her hand had drifted unconsciously to her necklace. She dropped it quickly. "I never considered that he might have actually been trying to change."

"I talked to Zuko's uncle once," Toph revealed, leaning with her back against the railing, elbows resting on top. "He said he was confused about who he was. He might have actually wanted to change."

"But he didn't," Katara said with considerable venom. "He was given a choice between good and evil and he chose evil. He always does."

"You make it sound like he hurt you personally."

Her face tightened. "He did."

"I still don't see why you think this is your fault, though."

Katara looked at her. "What do you mean?"

"Well, you said Aang interrupted his training because of you. But on our way back, he told us he'd mastered the Avatar State before he left."

She stood up straight and turned in Toph's direction, crossing her arms. "You can tell when people are lying, Toph."

"Not when I'm sitting on top of a giant fuzzy beast I can't!" she exclaimed, throwing her arms into the air. A low moan came from the deck below. "Uh, sorry Appa!" she called. Katara saw her blush just a little bit and giggled. "What makes you think he was lying anyway?"

"Because he could have wiped the floor with Azula and her Dai Li if he'd really mastered it," she answered firmly. "Instead he just broke it out as a last resort. Azula was able to sneak up behind him and shoot him in the back." She closed her eyes. "And even if he had, it wouldn't change the fact that he put himself in harm's way just because I was stupid and got myself caught."

"You _weren't_ stupid," Toph insisted, leaning back against the railing again. "I mean, Zuko really hurt you in the past. It makes sense that you'd be suspicious of him."

"Yeah," she agreed. She mimicked the other girl's pose while still keeping her arms crossed. "Especially considering what he ended up doing."

"Betraying his uncle and joining Azula?"

"Yeah."

It was silent for a few moments. Katara uncrossed her arms and turned around, exposing her face to the warm ocean spray once more.

"He did something that hurt you too, didn't he?"

"Yes," she looked down and sighed. "He did."

"What was it?"

"What you just said," she snapped defensively, standing up straight. "He betrayed his uncle. He betrayed _all_ of us. He told me he'd changed." She looked away. "But he didn't. He just made me feel sorry for him so it would hurt that much more."

Toph stood up straighter as well and faced her. "I get the feeling there's more to this story than you're telling me."

"What? What makes you say that?" She didn't like how nervous she sounded saying that.

"The fact that your heart's racing a million miles an hour right now," she answered, smirking. "How did Zuko make you feel sorry for him?"

"I…." She blushed and scratched the back of her neck before glaring and crossing her arms. "He told me his mother died. Just like mine. I think his exact words were: 'That's something we have in common.'" She laughed bitterly.

"Your mother's dead?" the smirk had vanished from Toph's face and she looked concerned.

Katara felt a twinge of pain shoot through her and she cringed. "Oh, right. I never told you that." She looked down. "It's not something I like to talk about."

"What happened?"

"The Fire Nation killed her," she answered, trying not to cry. "In a raid."

"And the same thing happened to Zuko?"

"I don't know what happened to his mother," Katara replied. "He didn't tell me." She chuckled again, even more hatefully this time. "You know, for a second there, I actually felt sorry for him. It was like he suddenly had an excuse for acting like he did. But now I realize he was just trying to play me for a fool. I lost _my_ mother and _I_ turned out just fine. The way he acted was his own choice."

"It might not have been," Toph said quietly.

"That's what he tried to tell me," she snapped. "He said he always thought he was marked. That he was destined to hunt the Avatar, and that lately he'd realized he was free to determine his own destiny, even if he'd never be free of his mark." She laughed again, this time at herself. "And do you know what I did?"

Toph shook her head.

"I offered to heal his scar. I told him, 'Maybe you could be free of it.'" She slammed her fist against the rail, and welcomed the pain it brought. "I was stupid."

"You offered to heal his what?"

"His scar." Katara blinked when she realized why Toph had asked. "Oh, you didn't know that either. He has a huge burn scar over his left eye. Someone put it there a long time ago."

"I thought you could only heal fresh wounds."

"Normally, yeah. But I had something with me that probably could have healed him."

"And what was that?"

She sighed and leaned back against the railing. "It was water from the Spirit Oasis where we fought at the North Pole," she answered. "It's what I used to heal Aang after Azula shot him. It has special healing properties."

Toph's eyes suddenly went wide. "Wait a minute."

"Huh?"

"How long did you have this special healing water?"

"Since last winter," Katara told her. "Before we met you."

"And you carried it with you the whole time?"

"Um, yeah." She stood up straight. "Where are you going with this?"

Toph chuckled darkly. "I was wrong before. You _were_ stupid."

" _Excuse_ me?" She crossed her arms.

"I can think of one person who deserved that water way more than Zuko."

She quirked an eyebrow. "Who, Aang? I already told you—"

"No, not Aang!" she shouted, hurling her arms skyward. " _Jet_!"

Katara stared at her blankly.

"You know? Freedom Fighters? Lake Laogai?" She gestured wildly in a way that indicated Sokka might be rubbing off on her. "Any of this ringing a bell?"

"I…." There was pain in her chest suddenly and she couldn't figure out why. "There wasn't enough time."

"Are you kidding me?! You healed Aang in like, _two seconds_ with that stuff! Don't tell me there wasn't enough time!"

"Okay, I didn't think of it!" Katara yelled, throwing out her arms. "In case you forgot, it was kind of stressful back there!"

"More stressful than being locked in a room with your worst enemy?!"

"It was a cave," she corrected, crossing her arms again. "And it was a different kind of stress. We were in a hurry under Lake Laogai trying to catch Long Feng. Zuko just sat there and made sad faces at me."

"I can tell you're lying, you know."

"No, you _can't_!" Katara shrieked. "There's a physical reaction when people are _angry_ , too! Like when someone calls them _stupid_!"

"Yeah, and I've been doing this long enough to tell the difference," Toph rebutted, crossing her arms. "I know you were mad at Jet when we ran into him. What exactly did _he_ do to you?"

She glared. "I don't have to tell you," she replied, pushing past her towards the door.

Toph moved faster than she did, dashing over and grabbing the space between the door and its frame. Her fingers punctured it easily, and she twisted so that the metal was tangled together. "You do now if you want back inside," she said.

Katara shoved her out of the way and grabbed the handle. The door wouldn't budge. She pulled harder, but it still did not move an inch. Growling, she kicked the door with all her might, and resisted the urge to cry out when she stubbed her toe.

"I'm waiting, Sugar Queen."

She grumbled something that even she could not decipher and made her way over to some spare crates, which Sokka had been using as a planning station when he was up here. She sat down, nursing her injured foot.

Toph walked over slowly. "He did used to be your boyfriend, didn't he?"

"It wasn't like that," she snapped, glaring. "I might have had a crush on him when I first met him, but that's before I found out what he was willing to do to get rid of the Fire Nation."

"And what was that?"

"His gang used to be a lot bigger than just Smellerbee and Longshot," she began, wondering how many more of these stories she was going to have to tell before Toph was satisfied. "You've already met two of them, actually. Pipsqueak and The Duke used to be part of it. There was also some guy named Sneers, but I don't know what happened to him."

"Wow, three extra people is a _huge_ difference," Toph deadpanned.

She glared. "Those are the only ones whose names I knew. There were at least thirty of them, all kids whose lives had been uprooted by the war." She looked away. "All of them had lost their parents to the Fire Nation, just like Sokka and I. Jet took it the hardest."

Toph suddenly looked considerably less smug. She turned away. "I used to think my parents were the most controlling people on the planet. I hated that about them. But at least they're still alive."

"I felt sorry for them too," Katara admitted, lowering her foot as soon as it stopped throbbing. "And I admired Jet for bringing them all together and protecting them like that. But then I found out what he was planning to do."

"What?"

"There was a small town nearby that the Fire Nation had occupied," she revealed. "Jet and the rest of the Freedom Fighters had been sabotaging their efforts every chance they got. When we showed up, Jet asked Aang and I to use waterbending to fill up a dam. He said the Fire Nation planned on burning down the forest and they needed water to put it out." She looked away. "But that wasn't the real reason."

"What was it, then?"

She looked at Toph. "He wanted to blow up the dam."

Toph gasped.

"His plan was to flood the town so the Fire Nation would be forced to leave the area. Unfortunately, they weren't the only ones in the town." Her eyes narrowed. "Jet was willing to let innocent people die just to get revenge for his parents' deaths. And he used me to do it."

"Wait, you mean he actually _succeeded_?"

Katara nodded. "Yeah. Luckily Sokka got to the town in time to warn everybody and they managed to evacuate. That didn't make me any less angry at him, though." She closed her eyes. "I thought he was such a great person. But he was just telling me what I wanted to hear so he could manipulate me. He made me feel sorry for him and then he betrayed me. That's why I attacked him when I saw him in Ba Sing Se. I couldn't trust him."

"That's why you're mad at Zuko too, isn't it?"

"Yeah," she answered without thinking. A moment later, she opened her eyes and blinked at Toph. "Wait, what?"

"Think about it. You just told me the exact same things about Jet that you did about Zuko. That's why you were so suspicious of him."

"No it wasn't." She shook her head. "I mean, that's probably why I'm angry at Zuko _now_ , but I had every right to be suspicious of him for other reasons."

"Whatever. I still think you should have used your healing water on Jet."

Katara stood up. "Maybe you forgot, but I kind of needed that water to use on Aang. He would have died if I'd used it on anybody else."

"You don't know that," she retorted. "Who knows? Jet might have even been able to stop you from getting captured by Azula!" She put a hand to her chin. "Although now that I think about it, he wasn't exactly great at avoiding capture himself."

"It's too late to change it now," Katara replied quietly. "He really was trying to redeem himself in the end. I think that might be why I decided to give Zuko a second chance when we were in that cave together." She scowled. "Look how much good _that_ did me."

"Yeah, yeah, I get it. Look, do you want to know _why_ I think you're so mad at both of them?"

"I already told you why. They betrayed me and my trust."

"Besides that, I mean."

Katara crossed her arms. "Okay then, what _do_ you mean?"

"It wasn't just your trust you put in Jet, was it?"

"Huh?"

"You said you liked him before you found out what he was really like," Toph elaborated, smirking. "So were you just mad that he used you, or were you mad because he didn't turn out to be the guy you thought he was?"

She opened her mouth to retort, but the words were hiding from her. "Maybe both," she admitted after a moment.

"And you're even angrier at Zuko than you were at Jet," she continued, her smile growing even wider. "Are you sure it's not for the same reason?"

" _What_?!" Katara shrieked, throwing her hands in the air. "I never _liked_ Zuko! Just because I had a similar reaction to him and Jet doesn't prove I did!"

Toph shrugged. "Hey, I just said you were upset because he didn't live up to your expectations. You got mad at me once for pretty much the same reason."

"That is _not_ what you…." She fumed for several moments before finding the words. "You tricked me!"

"You're easy to trick," she replied, turning around and walking back toward the railing.

Katara stood there stunned for several moments before she followed. "Why would I be mad at someone just because they didn't live up to my 'expectations?'"

When she faced her again, Toph was smirking as usual. "Well, you're pretty much the Team Mom. You like things to be a certain way. When they're not, you get mad because you're not in control. It was only a matter of time before you started thinking that way about people."

She glared. "Are you saying I'm a control freak?"

"Yeah, pretty much." She leaned back against the railing. "That's why you're mad at Zuko. He didn't make the choice you wanted him to."

"That is _not_ true!" Katara yelled, stomping her uninjured foot for emphasis. "I'm mad at him because he _betrayed_ me! He made me feel sorry for him and then he turned around and attacked Aang!"

"I don't think he set out to betray you," the other girl countered. "You just happened to be imprisoned together. That's your other problem: you assume everything's about you."

"I do _not_! You told me once you left behind everything you had so that you could teach Aang! Well I did the same thing! And I did it _first_!"

"Well good for you. But you're still so focused on how much _you_ were hurt that you're ignoring the real victim here."

She crossed her arms again. "Who?"

"Oh, I don't know, how about the kid who's still in a coma after being struck by lightning?"

Katara looked away. "What's your point?"

"You said it was your fault this happened to him. But you're wrong. It was _his_ choice to come back. _He_ made the mistake, not you."

"It _was_ my fault," she insisted. "If I hadn't gotten myself captured, he wouldn't have had to make that choice."

"It was still his choice to make. Just like it was Zuko's. I don't think you were even a factor in his decision."

She glared. "Okay, suppose you're right. What _exactly_ is so wrong about blaming myself for what happened?"

"Because I hate seeing _you_ waste away too!"

It was the fact that Toph had shouted the words at her that gave Katara pause. She had been so passive-aggressive up until this point that the sudden outburst of emotion took her by surprise. "What?"

" _Every_ day since we came onboard this ship, you've been in caught in your own little world," she elaborated. "You've hardly said a word to your dad even though this is the first time you've seen him in _two years_ , you're not talking to Sokka, and this is the longest _we've_ talked in two _weeks_! The only person you spend time with is _Aang_. And you know _why_? Because you're acting just like _he_ did when Appa went missing!"

"I am _not_!"

"Then why are you _yelling_ right now?"

"Because _you're_ yelling!"

She crossed her arms. "You remember the way he acted when we went across the Serpent's Pass? That's how _you've_ been ever since we got back. You're afraid to open up because you've been hurt so much already and you don't think you can handle getting close to anybody again. You need to _stop_ blaming yourself for what happened. It _wasn't_ your fault. It wasn't _anybody's_ fault. It just _happened_ , okay?"

Katara just stood there for several moments, completely and utterly stunned. She remembered how she had felt when Aang completely shut himself off from everyone else, and wondered if that was how everyone else felt about the way she had been acting. Toph certainly seemed to think so. Tears gathered in her eyes, and she let them fall.

Toph was suddenly upon her, squeezing her tight. The height difference made it impossible to rest her chin on the other girl's shoulder, so Katara settled for her head instead. She wrapped her own arms around the shorter girl and cried into her hair.

It was a little strange, having somebody comfort _her_ for once. Especially since the one doing the comforting was an earthbending master who acted like a boy more often than not. Katara had always thought of rocks as cold and unyielding, but they also provided the sturdiest support when needed. Toph was her last refuge in a storm of emotion that she had been letting herself drown in ever since she saw the lightning demolish her last bit of hope. But now, it looked as though the storm clouds were finally clearing.

A knock at the door interrupted them, and they separated rather hastily. Bending the tears away from her eyes, Katara asked: "Who is it?"

"Hey, have you two seen my map of the Fire Nation? I think I left it out there when I was planning earlier. And what's up with this door?"

"Oh, sorry," Toph said, bending the metal back to its original state. Sokka stepped through.

"Thanks." He glanced back and forth between them. "What are you two doing out here?"

"Oh, just talking about some things," Katara said. "I haven't really said anything since we left Ba Sing Se and it all sort of came out just now."

"But why was the door locked?"

"Toph likes having a captive audience." She crossed her arms and glared at the other girl.

"Just wanted to make my point, Sugar Queen."

"I know, and thank you." She hugged her. "I think I'll go to bed." She hugged her brother next. "Good night, Sokka."

He stiffened at first, then slowly relaxed and returned the hug. "Good night, Katara."

They separated and she walked away from the balcony. As she did so, Sokka and Toph continued talking.

"What was that all about?"

"None of your business."

"Whatever. Have you seen my map?"

"Sure, it's right over there."

"Thank you, I…. Why do you keep _doing_ that?!"

Katara laughed and turned down the staircase. As she descended, she tried to process the events of the evening. She hadn't meant to reveal everything like that. Her thoughts had been so scattered ever since Ba Sing Se, and it all came out fragmented and disorganized. That was one of the reasons she had kept them to herself. But Toph had somehow been able to make sense of it all.

She thought about the Serpent's Pass, and how the carving at the entryway had told them to abandon hope. She remembered the utter dread she had felt when Aang agreed with it. And she remembered the relief she had felt when he finally allowed himself to reach out again.

_I've been going through a really hard time lately. But you've made me… hopeful again._

She remembered how Aang had looked when he said that. He had gone through such a hard time, losing Appa. Even though she would never admit it to anyone, it had taken Katara a while to realize just how deeply Aang had been affected by the loss. Appa wasn't just a pet to him. He was a lifelong companion, his only link to a brighter past. Appa was his hope. Just like Aang himself was hers.

_I thought I was trying to be strong, but really I was just running away from my feelings. Seeing this family together, so full of happiness and love, it reminded me of how I feel about Appa… and how I feel about you._

She paused at the bottom of the stairs. What had Aang meant by that? She hadn't thought about it at the time, but suddenly she needed to know. Was _that_ why he interrupted his training? Was that why he had come back to save her? She knew how much Appa meant to him, but what about her? How much was she worth, in his eyes?

Katara started moving again, walking past the galley. She paused by Aang's room. Maybe she could ask him? Deciding against it, she shook her head. It wasn't like she could just wake him up. And when he did wake up, she doubted that would be the first thing he wanted to talk about. He would likely be more interested in knowing why he was on a Fire Navy ship. Sighing, she continued walking toward her own room.

_Katara, I need to tell you something._

"Huh?" She turned around, and saw nothing. She swore she had heard Aang's voice. It took her a second to realize that it was just another memory. She shook her head and continued walking. She hadn't thought much of what Aang had been trying to tell her. After all, if it was that important, he would have just told her, right?

_I've been wanting to say it for a long time._

She remembered how he had blushed and looked down. Then Sokka had come along and put Aang in a headlock, interrupting them. Was that why he hadn't said it? What could he possibly….

… _and how I feel about you._

Katara stopped. Had she missed something? How long had this been— _Why are you smiling at me like that? Oh... I was smiling?_ —going on? Her eyes went wide and suddenly she was _running_ to her room, afraid of letting anybody see the look of utter panic on her face. She reached the door and opened it, then rushed into her room and sat down on the bed.

That _was_ why he had returned. Katara wasn't sure how she felt about that. A slightly uncomfortable thought asked her if he would have done the same for Sokka. Or Toph. Was she all that mattered to him? Was he willing to sacrifice everything, just for her? How much did she mean to him?

"It _was_ my fault," she told herself, drawing her knees to her chest. If Aang didn't feel that way about her, if she wasn't there to distract him, would Ba Sing Se have fallen? Would he have almost died? Could all of this have been avoided if she had just realized how he felt sooner?

_Us… kissing…._

She sat up straight. Had he been sending her hints this whole time? Why hadn't she realized it?

_Yeah, heh, heh. I definitely wouldn't wanna kiss you!_

Oh, right. She had been so offended at the time that she hadn't considered the reason he might say that. What if he was embarrassed? She had just called the idea crazy, after all.

Katara growled and collapsed on the bed. She didn't want to think about this right now. Things were complicated enough with Aang just being in a coma. What if he didn't wake up? What if she never got to ask him how he really felt? What if… what if he died?

' _I can't let that happen_ ,' she told herself. Aang was going to make it out of this. They all were. She just needed to have faith.

She sat up slowly and leaned over, slipping off her boots. She was too exhausted to go through her normal nightly routine. Climbing under the covers, she snuffed out the sconces with some well-placed water and let the dark encircle her. She wasn't giving in to it. She was just resting. Rest was what they all needed.

Katara closed her eyes and for the first time in weeks, she felt like everything was going to be alright.

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first in a series of oneshots I wrote that took place between episodes in the third season of the series. The goal was to examine the major themes of the series in a little more detail than they had room to do on the show itself. This was the initial result. I called it The Insomnia Series because it takes place when the characters are supposed to be sleeping. 
> 
> The theme this time was examining the season two finale as a whole, particularly Katara's relationship to Zuko and why she felt so betrayed. It actually started out as an indictment of how she forgot to use the spirit water on Jet, and somehow mutated into this. I'm still reasonably happy with it.
> 
> I wrote this in 2009, after I first started getting back into writing after taking a long break, so you can see some mistakes in here that I've never bothered going back to fix. I may have gone overboard with Katara's history lesson, but literally all of it was relevant to the point I was trying to make, so whatever.
> 
> Let me know what you think!


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